Facing your fears

I admit it, I've been procrastinating on writing lately because I've been afraid to write. I know the manuscript that I've been sending out, needs not only major revisions, but it's missing something, and I'm not quite sure what it is. I worry that I'm never going to fix the problems, and that I should just move on and let this manuscript go, but something keeps bringing me back to it. Nora Roberts said that she wrestles her novels to the ground, that she never gives up on a story, and I guess that's how I feel about this book.

I've gotten over my fear that I could never write another book, by writing the paranormal that I wrote at the beginning of the year, so that's one fear down.

The new manuscript that I've been toying with the past couple of months, I'm afraid to write it, despite the fact that I know that I have a great high concept idea, and that the book could be the one that sells.

Why am I so afraid? Well, this book is different from all the other books that I've written. It's more personal, and I'm afraid that I don't have the skills to balance the humor and the serious parts of the book.

I read Dixieland Sushi by Cara Lockwood recently, which is a little bit similar to what I'm writing, and I just loved the way that she wove in the humor with the more serious themes of the book, what it was like to grow-up, half-Asian in the deep south. So of course, that just intimidated me more.

I haven't been idle. I did read the critique that one of chapter members wrote after he read the first 100 pages of Nearly Famous. I agreed with most of his comments, so now I have to go back in and fix the first 100 pages, which will now be sans 6, that I'm now cutting. So it's a start. And I've certainly be occupying my time doing research for the book. I just need to sit down and give myself permission to write crap. I still want to try and have the rough draft down in a month, but I just need to remind myself that it doesn't need to be perfect yet, it just has to be written.

Of course, I could always work on that other paranormal that I've been kicking around. I also have to get off my butt in terms of emailing the 4 agents that still have my partial. It's been over 2 months now, and I haven't heard anything which could be a good thing or a bad thing. I just have to get over my fear of being rejected and find out what's going on, before I implode.