Editors, the good, the bad, and the not so nice

Disclaimer: all my experiences with editors thus far, have been the editors I work with at the market research firm. This does not apply to fiction editors at publishing houses, who could be totally different. I look forward to someday finding that out!

Okay, so here's the way it works at my job. I watch a TV show that I've been assigned. Take for instance, last night, where I had to watch Untold Stories of the ER on TLC. Sidebar, this show is one of the strangest shows I've ever seen. The doctors are real, the stories are real, but the show is a re-enactment of the story. So the doctor has to act what happened in real life, along with a bunch of probably non-union actors who are just happy to be working.

But I digress. After I watch the show, I have to write 12 questions, 3 questions for each quarter of the show. Because the show has 3 storylines, I normally try to write one question for each storyline, if possible. After I'm done, I let the editor know unless he or she has already started to edit as I write, which is strange.

You'll go back to check on a question, and find out they've already edited the crap out of it. Some editors are really good about working with you on your questions, and explaining to you why they changed certain things. I've even had an editor ask me if it was okay to change one of my answers! Wow, that was pretty cool. Most of the time they change the answers because yours were too short. All the answers have to be of the same length.

Then there are the other editors who just completely rewrite everything that you wrote, which I kind of hate. Can you imagine if you turned in your manuscript to Jennifer Enderlin and she rewrote the whole book? Wouldn't you be annoyed?

The worst editors are the ones who think they know everything, and can't wait to tell you what you did wrong. In fact they take pleasure out of it. I had one editor who was working from home berate me at almost two o'clock in the morning about what she perceived as my deficiencies as a writer. Of course, all of it was under the guise of helping me, but it sent me home in tears, I was so upset. Over questions!

Because we have so many different editors working on a given night, I've had to learn to adapt to each one's peculiar little quirks. One guy is the quintessential slacker dude who speaks really slowly. He's actually one of the coolest editors. Then there's the Lisa Loeb look-a-like right down to the glasses who rewrites everyone.

I've also learned to deal with the constant editorial changes at the office. Initially we were taught short questions, short answers. But recently the editors have decided they want the answers to be fuller, so for example the question might be (for King of Queens) What did Doug do while sitting on the couch?

Originally we would have had the answers be: Ate potato chips, watched TV, Took a nap, Argued with Arthur.

Now the answers would be: Ate potato chips while watching the baseball game, Took a nap while waiting for dinner, Argued with Arthur about news program, read a magazine while waiting for Carrie to come home.

Most of the editors at work are great, but when it's 2:30 in the morning and you've been working since 7:30 and the editor wants you to change your answer set, it's easy to think of getting a voodoo doll with their name on it. Or when they make you write a question about Outback's Bloomin' onion even though the character on SNL didn't really mention Outback Steakhouse (apparently Outback has the name copyrighted even though there's a football play called the Bloomin' onion. See the things that you learn from watching TV!)

So, I totally feel that when I do get published, I can deal with anything the editor throws at me, since I've been doing it five nights a week. Hopefully I won't be sleep-deprived doing them.