My New Pretend Boyfriend

Yes, I've broken up with James. It had to happen. The distance was just too great. And although I loved having a British boyfriend, dating an actor is just too hard. They're in the tabloids all the time, not to mention the job insecurity. I'm going to miss his little boy Joseph, but my life is in New York right now. He just couldn't understand my devotion to my local RWA chapter either. So he had to go.

Meet my new pretend boyfriend, CNN host Anderson Cooper. Don't let the gray hair fool ya. I've roped me a younger man. Okay, he's not Ashton Kutcher younger, but he is three years younger than. Of course, everyone thinks he's older, tee-hee.

Yes, I know there are rumors that he's gay, but I for one refuse to believe them, until I have hard evidence like photos or videotape. He's very smart, funny as heck. Who knew the man who cried while covering Hurricane Katrina could be hysterical. He killed on Letterman, and he was a great host trading quips with Kelly Ripa last Friday on Live with Regis and Kelly.

Sure, he hosted The Mole on ABC, but he's a serious journalist! Even Geraldo had a few missteps in his career (anyone remember Al Capone's safe?)

How did we meet? Well, I was walking downtown when I saw this cute little spaniel. Who should be her owner, but Anderson Cooper! Don't you just love a man with a dog? We got to talking and he invited me out to dinner. Of course, since this is my fantasy, I'm also 30, 5 foot 6, and have never had a zit in my life. Plus I looked fabulous when we met.

Truthfully, I wasn't looking for someone in the media to date. I thought I would go find myself a ballet boy like Candace Bushnell, but finding a straight ballet dancer is like trying to find a pair of size 8 Manolo Blahniks at the Barney's Warehouse sale.

So I'm happy with Anderson. Plus, his mother is Gloria Vanderbilt, who made my favorite jeans of the 80's. Remember those jeans commercials, where the model declared GV jeans fit her 'like the skin on a grape'. God, I miss GV jeans. My favorites were a pair of fuschia velvet jeans. I haven't met his mother yet, we've only been dating a week, but I'm sure I'll meet her eventually. I'll try not to bring up that whole custody case from the 30's that was written about in Little Gloria, Happy at Last. Very tragic.

I don't know how long this relationship will last, but I'm nothing in not optimistic that it will last at least through the holidays. Who doesn't want a date on New Year's Eve?