Where's Elizabeth Barrett Browning when you need her?

I'm in a dilemma. I'm trying to write an email, to a really cute author, who's single, who's book I've just read. I want to make it flirty and cute, and peak his interest. The only problem? I have no clue how to do this.

Yes, I'm a writer and I don't know how to write to cute guys. This is why I'm still single at ripe of old age, of, well we dont' need to talk about that. To top it all of, this writer, my friend has met him and told me how cute, funny and smart he is. So why don't you have your friend introduce you, I hear you ask? Well, my friend has two kids, a husband, and a busy life. If I waited for her, I'd either be dead or collecting social security. Let's face it, your married friends don't find your singlehood as interesting as you do. No, they're too busy talking about how cool it is that you get to travel wherever you want, without having to worry about buying a seat for your 18 month old on the plane. Meanwhile all you want is a husband and a child.

I've tried all the on-line dating services. Either the guys are too old, or they live in Nebraska. Or I get emails from European men who live in the middle of nowhere Italy. And are 23, and don't speak English very well. So I would wink at guys, and never hear anything. One night, I think I winked at 17 guys on Match.com. So emailing them is out of the questions.

Things were so much easier when Robert Browning was courting Elizabeth Barrett through their letters and poems, before they finally met. Imagine how romantic is must have been for her, an invalid to receive a letter from a younger poet about her work, and then they meet and he finally turns out to be really cute and he falls in love with her and they run off and get married and live happily until her death.

I wish I could hire someone to write the email for me. I asked a friend who is really good at this sort of thing. And I'm still waiting. I swear this could a be a romantic comedy along the lines of Truth About Cats and Dogs but with the Internet. Cute girl but not stunning helps stunning friend who is illiterate (well not really) write letters to guys on the Internet. Mandy Moore would probably play the cute girl, and maybe Jessica Simpson could play the busty ditz.

As for me? Back to the drawing board.

Thanks for reading!

EKM