Royal Pain: Gary Goldsmith

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any modern woman seeking to become a princess will have at least one skeleton in the closet. In Kate Middleton’s case, her skeleton is her paunchy middle-aged uncle Gary Goldsmith. Goldsmith is Carole Middleton’s younger brother, and he would give any family a headache, let only one that will soon be royal by connection. Like his sister, Goldsmith is a self-made millionaire; he sold his computer staffing business “Computer Futures,” for $275 million back in 2005. Since then he’s divided his time between a $1 million mews cottage in London and a $5 million villa in Ibiza with the lovely title Maison de Bang Bang which is French for ‘House of Sex.’ A six foot high mural outside the house reads “It’s Gary’s world, you just live in it,” (which is also tattooed on his body along with his initials). According to gossip, since moving part-time to Ibiza, Goldsmith had slowly gotten sucked into the party scene. The larger than life Goldsmith, 45, is thrice divorced with one child, whose last girlfriend was a lap dancer. His third wife, Julia Leake married him in 2007 in a civil ceremony but dumped him a few months later before the church blessing because she couldn’t take his lifestyle. “He is a lovely guy in his heart of hearts but I just can’t help him anymore. He needs to go to into rehab and sort his life out,’ she reportedly told a friend. According to the Daily Mail, Carole Middleton actually begged Julia not to leave Gary (the plan didn’t work).


But the man who was once described as an accident waiting to happen, and a ‘waste of space’ by his own sister has reportedly cleaned up his act in time for the wedding this month. He’s sobered up, lost weight and grown his hair back, after sporting the cue ball look for several years. “Gary has turned his life around. He’s realized that money and a lavish lifestyle in the sun aren’t necessarily the answer to happiness,” a friend told the Daily Mail. “He brought great shame on the family and regrets it. He and Carole aren’t especially close, but Gary wants to be forgiven. He has had a real makeover, inside and out.” He has been on his best behavior since 2009 when two undercover reporters from tabloid The News of the World set up a sting. Goldsmith was caught on camera doing cocaine and offering to set up the reporter with $1200 a night prostitutes. He boasted openly about his connection to the royal couple (Kate and William stayed with Goldsmith back in 2006. He rented a yacht for the couple where the famous photos of Kate in white bikini were taken) describing the Prince as ‘lovely’ and talking about his group of ‘MI6 bodyguards.’ The tabloid claimed that Goldsmith smoked pot with his then girlfriend, and gave one of the reporters a small bag of cocaine. The only comment he’s made since then was to congratulate the couple on their engagement. The proof will be in the pudding or the wedding cake, when Goldsmith shows up as one of the 1,900 guests at the ceremony on April 29th which is also his birthday. Now the man who once allegedly kept a box of cocaine the foot of his bed has also been invited to both the intimate banquet at Buckingham Palace as well the reception Prince Charles will be throwing for the happy couple later that night.