What the hell happened?

Is there something going on in the cosmos that I don't know about? What happened to the end of the year bringing peace and light and joy? First Amy Winehouse gets arrested in conjuction with her husband's case and now this.

I just read on People.com that Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's 16 year old sister is 12 weeks pregnant by her boyfriend.

Wait, wasn't she the normal one? The one who wasn't going to act all crazy like her sister? So now, we not only know that her sweet and innocent sister is not only been having sex but doesn't know the first thing about birth control either.

Funny all those tabloids that have been saying for weeks that Britney is pregnant with her third child completely missed this one. Apparently even her mom couldn't believe it, because as she put it, Jamie Lynn has never missed a curfew. Well, now Mom knows what she was doing before curfew.

Britney and Jamie Lynn's mother, Lynne Spears, had been contracted to write a book about parenting, which was going to be published by Thomas Nelson, a company that publishes inspirational books and Bibles. Guess what? The book has been postponed "indefinitely" which means that I hope Lynne Spears didn't spend her advance.

Seriously, does anyone really think that this book is going to see the light of day? The evangelicals would be up in arms, planning boycotts. I can't imagine anyone wanting to buy a book from Lynne Spears talking about parenting.

The Curious Incident of Britney in the Night

You are Britney Spears. You've just been told by the judge that you will have random drug tests, and that you have to have weekly parenting classes. Your manager quits after you embarass yourself on MTV, and your lawyer quits on you too. Your ex-husband actually gets offered a TV job acting no less. What do you do? Do you lay low, staying in with your kids? Perhaps put your nose to the grindstone working on your album, rehearsing some dance moves, rededicating yourself to your career.

No, you go out drinking and partying until the wee hours of the morning.

Way to go Britney. Why don't you just hand over your kids to K-Fed right now.

Sigh! I really do like Britney. I admire the way she's made the most of the modest talent that she has, and if she didn't have 2 small kids, I'd probably cut her some more slack. But girlfriend really needs to get her sh*t together. I mean who would have thought that Kevin Federline would appear to be the more responsible parent? The minute that Britney decided to have not one, but two kids back to back, she needed to put the party all night girl behind her. Now is not the time to turn into drunky mcdrunk alot.

If the judge can order random drug testing, how about some pyschological testing as well? Before she ends up behind bars like Lindsay, Paris or Nicole (sorry, Nicole never actually went to jail did she? I mean apart from setting foot in the jail). Apparently Britney's dad (like La Lohan's father) also has suffered from alcoholism, so clearly its genetic. Maybe it's time for some outpatient therapy, and some AA meetings. Show the judge that she takes this whole situation seriously.

I promise this is my last post about Britney. It's just too sad.

EKM

Oy Britney!

Okay, it's Monday morning, and I'm barely coherent. I didn't get home from my night job until 4:00 a.m. and I had to somehow manage to crawl into work today by 10:00 a.m. My normal work hours are 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. but there was no way in hell that I was going to make it on 2 hours of sleep. As it is, I'm in that twilight fugue state where there are lovely colors floating around in front of my face.

Part of the reason I had to work so late was because of the MTV VMA awards. I didn't get to watch them, but because I was writing hybrids (A hybrid is like a special commercial) and the writers doing the MTV awards wrote the hybrids by accident as part of their show, I had to wait and rewrite them.

So I didn't get to see Ms. Spears performance if it can be called that until this morning, and seriously it wasn't worth the wait. How is it possible years in this business to lip-synch badly? This performance wasn't just bad, it was lethargic, it was listless, it was kareoke. She was performing in front of millions of people, not to mention your peers in the industry, after basically being the butt of the joke for the past 3 years, and she blew it.

Was it nerves? Too much benadryl? Acid-reflux? Knowing that your ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake had just won an Emmy award and was there with his hot new girlfriend Jessica Biel? What was it Brit that made your performance so sucktastic? Because she was barely more coherent than I am right now. All of her previous VMA performances were forgotten in an instant (remember when she sang 'Slave For U' with an albino snake around her neck?). Now what everyone will remember is Britney wandering around the stage like she lost her way.

The song "Gimme More" is not a bad song, it's about wanting someone so badly that you just want them to give you more, and she looked like she'd hadn't take a crap in a week. Or had piles. If that's the case, they do have surgery for that. Maybe if the stage manager had waved a drink or some cheetos at her, she would have been more animated. Even the first line of the song when she says, "It's Britney bitch" sounded lame.

The sad thing is that Jennifer Lopez, who performed at Fashion Rocks, out sang her and out danced her. And let's face it JLo ain't Kiri Te Kanawa. Britney could barely arouse herself enough to do even the most basic moves. Seriously, I could have danced better than she did and I'm also most twice her age.

Here was Brit's chance to show the world, she was back with a vengeance and she blew it. Personally, I think she needs to lay low for awhile, and not be seen out and about. And stop partying with Criss Angel, Mind Freak, for crying out loud. Next thing you know, she'll be dating Kid Rock.

I need some sleep,

EKM