Yeah or Hell to the No: Sex with a Friend's Ex

Last Thursday, I was watching Private Practice simply because I was too lazy to lift the remote control to change the channel or to turn the TV off. Beautiful, classy and respected neo-natal surgeon Addison Montgomery has been torn between her feelings for sexy Sam (played by the delectable Taye Diggs) for weeks now. She finally told him that they can't be together because she's a 'cheater' and since she'd already cheated on her ex-husband with his best friend, she can't cheat on her best friend with her ex-husband. Of course Sam felt that Addison was just using that as an excuse, pulling back because she was afraid of having something 'real.'

This brings up that old question: is it ever okay to sleep or date a friend's ex? In Addison's case, she hasn't even asked Naomi how she feels about the whole situation, given her a chance to at least respond before dismissing Sam out of hand. Of course, at the moment, Naomi is dealing with the fact that her 15 year old daughter is pregnant by a kid whose real name is Fillmore, and getting married. So perhaps now is not the best time, but still Naomi has moved on to other relationships. Heck, she even slept with Addison's brother Archer (who cheated on her) and now she's kissing the hot billionaire who is involved with the hospital. Naomi and Sam have been divorced for awhile, and they don't seem to want to get back together. So maybe she might be okay with Addison and Sam finally getting it on.

Now sex with a friend's ex is totally different from say dating your mother's ex-boyfriend. That should always be strictly verboten, in fact it should be against the law. They do this all the time on daytime soaps and it always squeeves me out. Ryan and Erica on AMC, have no problem with the age difference, the fact that Ryan is the father of Erica's grandson, that's just plain icky.  Let's just say if you are related to the person by blood, like immediate family, you can't sleep with their ex.

But friends are a whole different story, although in a way, they are like family as well. My personal feeling is it depends on whether you knew them as a couple. If the ex is someone that she dated in high school or grade school, he should be fair game. If you knew them as a couple and you hung out with them, I would have to say no way. It's just too weird, particularly if you are still friends. Even if you are no longer friends it can be dicey. A friend of mine once started dating the ex-fiance of a mutual friend, who she was no longer friends with. When she asked me if I thought it was weird that she thought the ex-fiance was attractive, I said yes. Seriously, she had only just dumped the friend a few months before, and then to go out with her ex? It was just to incestuous for words.

Of course, some people feel that all is fair in love and war, and that if two people are attracted to each other, why not go for it, even though one person is a friend's ex. What if they are soulmates? I personally have never dated a friend's ex-boyfriend. I had a tiny crush on a friend's boyfriend when I was studying in London once, but that's as close as I've come. I have a hard enough time with the idea of dating someone that I've been friends with for years. What if that goes wrong, and we can no longer be friends? But that's the subject of another post.

So Sex with a Friend's Ex: Ever a good idea? Is it ever okay to cross that line?

Sex and the City - Meh!

Last night I finally got to see the movie of Sex and the City with of my really good girlfriends, and I have to say that I am kind of disappointed. The movie was over 2 hours but nothing really happened and certainly nothing that you couldn't have predicted before you see the movie. It almost seemed like a paint by numbers version.

The movie picks up 3 years after the series ended and Big and Carrie are still living in seperate apartments, which I found totally weird. Then Carrie gets all weirded out after they go to an auction at Christie's because the woman who's life is being auctioned got dumped by her long term boyfriend and had no where to go because he owned their apartment. So of course, Carrie decides that she has to help Big who is a gazillionaire purchase their snazzy new Fifth Avenue penthouse and he proposes.

Was anyone who saw this movie surprised that Big got cold feet? I have to admit that it did play into their history since he dumped her like 4 times during the series. It just seemed so expected and I had a hard time with the fact that they never sat down and talked about why they were having a big wedding. I mean Big had been married twice and Carrie never. If Carrie had just said, this is going to be my only wedding and I love you and I want to celebrate it, I could get behind it, but they seemed to have communication problems.

And Miranda and Steve? First of all, I think having Steve cheat on Miranda was ridiculous. I would have understood it more if he just get fed up with the way that she treated him as well as Magda. She always seemed to belittle him in the series. I found Miranda extremely dislikable in the movie.

Charlotte, of course, her life is perfect. She has the perfect understanding husband, the perfect adorable daughter who is a miniature Charlotte, and the perfect new baby (I'm hoping that little Rose takes after Harry). Oh and perfect dogs. The only not perfect is when she gets Montezuma's revenge in Mexico. That was hilarious and totally unexpected. It's pretty much the only unexpected thing in the whole movie.

I know the movie is about wish fulfillment really. I mean who would want to see Carrie, after her break-up with Big, having to find a brand new apartment and iscovering that with the real estate market the way it is, she can now only afford a studio with no closet space? Although it would have been hilarious to see Carrie have to deal with some real life issues. Instead, she gets to buy her apartment back, and apparently she now has enough money to afford an assistant played by Jennifer Hudson, who was totally wasted in this movie.

Her character of Louise, is sappy and saintly but who has great taste in bags. How I wished at this point that Wanda Sykes had been hired to play Carrie's assistant, someone with some sass and verve. It was just too cute that St. Louise from St. Louis gave her Meet Me in St. Louis for a Christmas present.

I finally realized towards the end that the point of the movie is not the plot, the point is the 4 women and their friendship. How despite distance and time, they are all still good friends, and they all seem to have endless amounts of time to hang out with each other, despite kids and work and all the other muck that comes along in life. They are there for each other through good times and bad. Who wouldn't want to have 3 friends who will drop everything to go with you on your Mexican honeymoon after you've been dumped? That's really what the movie is celebrating, women loving and taking care of each other.

Which is why the series was such a success and why so many women have flocked to see the movie with their friends. Yes, the movie and the TV series was a fantasy about living in New York and being single, but the thread was always the fabulous friendships. I know I used to watch the show and wish that I could get together with my female friends as often as they do, instead of spending endless amounts of time scheduling and rescheduling because we are all so busy.

So I would have to give the movie an A for friendship but a B- for everything else.

P.S. Was anyone else amazed at how Big turned that tiny closet into that huge walk-in?