If I were a Rich Girl

Thanks to Gwen Stefani and the composers of Fiddler on the Roof for the inspiration for this post.

Occasionally when the Lotto commercials announce a particularly big jackpot, I find myself thinking about what I would do if I actually won. Ex-sweetie pie used to hate it when I would talk out loud about what I would do. He didn't see the point since the chances of my actually winning were like one in one billion or something like that. Of course he missed the whole object of the exercise. I mean if you're going to play a rich person, or even write about one, you have to know how they think. Plus, I've always wanted to write a book about what would happen if an ordinary person won the lottery.

Of course it would end happier than the horror stories you sometimes see in people magazine where they interview lottery winners, like the guy who won the lottery twice and still ended up broke, or the friends who sue because they said they gave you the numbers that won, or they loaned you the dollar to buy the ticket. Or the relatives that come out the wordwork needing money.

So here's what I'd do if I won the lottery (in no particular order of importance).

1) Do an Extreme Makeover on my apartment. I bet you thought I was going to say buy a new apartment in some ritzy neighborhood in New York. First of all, the co-op boards in this city are an absolute nightmare. Second, my apartment is perfectly fine if a little small. I'd much rather spend the money to do a complete overhaul than run out and buy something new. And the only places that I would want to live are the village or near Gramercy Park, and it costs like a million dollars just for a one bedroom down there.

2) Set up scholarship funds at my old schools in my parents' names. This was a no brainer. My parents worked extremely hard so that I could go to private school instead of attending public. I would love to be able to give bright minority students the same chance that I had. Same with my university and the drama school I went too. Syracuse is fricking expensive (it was $10,000 a year when I attended back in the eighties), and everyone should have the opportunity to study drama in London.

3) Set up a foundation to give away money. Now when I say give away money, I'm talking about donating to things that have meaning for me. My father was a diabetic, so the American Diabetes foundation would be top of the list. American Lung Association since so many members of my family including my mother, brother and several aunts and uncles died of lung cancer. AIDS research, and Breast and Ovarian cancer would also top the list. Plus any charity that benefits children, like Ronald McDonald house.

4) Giving to the arts. Again, I'm limiting the donations to arts organizations that really need the money. Metropolitan Museum of Art doesn't need my money as much as The Lower East Side Tenement Museum or The Grange (Alexander Hamilton's house), and the New York Public Library (explain to me why publishers pulp books instead of donating them to libraries across the country?).

5) Payback all the money that I've borrowed from friends when I was in need, plus pay all my outstanding debts to creditors.

6) Travel, travel, travel. I've always wanted to visit Australia and the Far East, and I could fly first class instead of being cramped in coach for 24 hours. India would definitely be on the agenda, and Russia. Ah, to see St. Petersberg, and Moscow.

7) Adopt! I could afford to adopt a child from a foreign country like China. Ming-lee Mahon sounds great. I could be like Angelina Jolie or Josephine Baker and have a rainbow coalition of children (alright, just two), but I could certain go back to giving money to Save the Children every month. I used to do this many years ago, but it got to a point where it was either feed me or feed a child in another country.

8) Buy a flat in London. (You knew I'd get back to real estate somehow). My friend Chip and his partner have been saving for a flat. If I bought one, they could live there rent free, taking care of it for me, while saving beaucoup pounds to buy their own place.

9) Shop! Of course, I wouldn't go too crazy. No buying retail for me. Just because I have money, doesn't mean the girl who pinches pennies till they bleed is just going to disappear. I love sales, but I could actually afford to buy Dolce and Gabbana on sale. And a closet full of Manolos and Jimmy Choos. And I could indulge in the best vintage pieces.

10) Knowing that my retirement would be secure. Let's face it, by the time I'm eligible for Social Security, it could be gone. Thanks George W. Bush! Winning the lottery means that I would have options, and health insurance. If I were injured, I could actually afford the best care.

So those are the top ten things I would do if I won the lottery.

What would you do?