Monday, February 15, 2010

Yeah or Hell to the No: Sex with a Friend's Ex

Last Thursday, I was watching Private Practice simply because I was too lazy to lift the remote control to change the channel or to turn the TV off. Beautiful, classy and respected neo-natal surgeon Addison Montgomery has been torn between her feelings for sexy Sam (played by the delectable Taye Diggs) for weeks now. She finally told him that they can't be together because she's a 'cheater' and since she'd already cheated on her ex-husband with his best friend, she can't cheat on her best friend with her ex-husband. Of course Sam felt that Addison was just using that as an excuse, pulling back because she was afraid of having something 'real.'

This brings up that old question: is it ever okay to sleep or date a friend's ex? In Addison's case, she hasn't even asked Naomi how she feels about the whole situation, given her a chance to at least respond before dismissing Sam out of hand. Of course, at the moment, Naomi is dealing with the fact that her 15 year old daughter is pregnant by a kid whose real name is Fillmore, and getting married. So perhaps now is not the best time, but still Naomi has moved on to other relationships. Heck, she even slept with Addison's brother Archer (who cheated on her) and now she's kissing the hot billionaire who is involved with the hospital. Naomi and Sam have been divorced for awhile, and they don't seem to want to get back together. So maybe she might be okay with Addison and Sam finally getting it on.

Now sex with a friend's ex is totally different from say dating your mother's ex-boyfriend. That should always be strictly verboten, in fact it should be against the law. They do this all the time on daytime soaps and it always squeeves me out. Ryan and Erica on AMC, have no problem with the age difference, the fact that Ryan is the father of Erica's grandson, that's just plain icky.  Let's just say if you are related to the person by blood, like immediate family, you can't sleep with their ex.

But friends are a whole different story, although in a way, they are like family as well. My personal feeling is it depends on whether you knew them as a couple. If the ex is someone that she dated in high school or grade school, he should be fair game. If you knew them as a couple and you hung out with them, I would have to say no way. It's just too weird, particularly if you are still friends. Even if you are no longer friends it can be dicey. A friend of mine once started dating the ex-fiance of a mutual friend, who she was no longer friends with. When she asked me if I thought it was weird that she thought the ex-fiance was attractive, I said yes. Seriously, she had only just dumped the friend a few months before, and then to go out with her ex? It was just to incestuous for words.

Of course, some people feel that all is fair in love and war, and that if two people are attracted to each other, why not go for it, even though one person is a friend's ex. What if they are soulmates? I personally have never dated a friend's ex-boyfriend. I had a tiny crush on a friend's boyfriend when I was studying in London once, but that's as close as I've come. I have a hard enough time with the idea of dating someone that I've been friends with for years. What if that goes wrong, and we can no longer be friends? But that's the subject of another post.

So Sex with a Friend's Ex: Ever a good idea? Is it ever okay to cross that line?

1 comment:

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