Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Clueless in Manhattan
I was watching Behind the Music last night on VH-1, dancing in his powder-blue and orange shorts, and fingerless gloves, singing 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go'. Color me clueless but how did I not know that he was gay? I mean I suspected it, but I think I was hypnotized by the site of his perfect butt in the 'Faith' video. Let's face it, that video is virtually an homage to his ass! Dana Carvey once did a Saturday Night Live skit playing George Michael, talking about his butt, that was hilarious. My born-again Christian flatmate, Katie, bought me the Faith cassette for my birthday (it was actually released in the UK on my birthday) despite the fact that she disapproved of the song 'I want your sex'. I still think the album is one of the most perfect pop albums ever made, and 'Father Figure' probably the sexiest song about an Electra complex ever created.
Listen to the lyrics. "I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in my mind, I will be your creature, teacher, anything you have in mind. I will be your Daddy. I will be the one to love till the end of time." Who didn't want George Michael to love them till the end of time in 1987?
Speaking of clueless, my exercise instructor Jason is completely clueless sometimes. I'm one of those people who like having exercised, but not the actual process. So why do I exercise? Simple, I like cake. Plus, I'm vain. Really. Once you've tried on a size 0 pair of pants, and they fit, you will keep exercising. So I take this class called NIA which means non-impact aerobics, but is really a dance class. Now I really like Jason, but he seems to forget that most of us are women in his class, make that all of us. He does this shimmy thing, which is great if you're a guy, but a woman has breasts, and have a minute of shimmying, they hurt. I don't care how small your boobs are, shaking it like a polaroid picture is not pleasant even with a sports bra. But there's Jason, shaking like he's having a fit, while the rest of us are shimmying at 25%.
Happy Summer Solstice everyone! Yes, it is now officially summer, and to celebrate, it's going to go up to 90 something degrees today. Now, I know some of you thought it was already summer, starting with Memorial Day, but I'm sorry to say, that summer doesn't really start until the Solstice. Blame the druids or the Celts.
Who else is clueless in Manhattan? Well, the people who ignore the sign on the door of the exercise room that says take of your street shoes. Clueless are the Scientologists who are now standing on street corners in Times Square handing out cards. I got handed one yesterday by a guy who looked about 12. I probably shouldn't have ripped it up, and thrown in the garbage can in front of them though.
Clueless are the IT people at my new job, who still haven't fixed my login, and the plasterers who came to my house yesterday, moved everything in my kitchen and bathroom, and then left without putting stuff back. Don't get me started on Bobby Flambay on Food TV, using his pasty white foot in his probably filthy mandal to open the grill.
I admit I have no patience with the clueless, but I'm trying!
In the meantime, Write On!