Open Letter to George Clooney

Dear George,

It has recently come to my attention that your thoughts might be turning towards settling down, or at least that you are thinking about the possibility of having a child. Well, George, I am the woman for you.

See, George, I'm unlike most of the women that you've dated in Hollywood. For one thing I am not a bimbo. I actually had talent when I was still acting. But now I'm pursuing a career as a writer of fiction, particularly young adult fiction, so you see my career in no way conflicts with yours. I wouldn't be with you just to be seen or to promote my career. I would be with you just because I think you are an interesting and fascinating man.

Also, while I think you're talented and gorgeous and all that, I'm not easily impressed by your fame. After all, I remember when you had big hair and were on Facts of Life. Despite your Oscar, and your celebrity friends like Brad Pitt, you'll still be the guy who was on Baby Talk.

Also, I love Italy. I would be quite happy to spend my entire pregnancy at your villa in Lake Como, getting fat on pasta and tiramisu. I have one request. The pig has to go. No offense to pig lovers everywhere, but I don't think the baby needs a vietnamese pot belly pig as a babysitter. Later on, we can get a nice lab or a golden retriever, but no pig.

Ah George, we wouldn't even have to live together. A nice apartment in New York on the Upper West Side (I prefer Riverside Drive instead of CPW) would be sufficient, and you can visit myself and the baby anytime.

Of course, I would prefer that we conceive our child the old fashioned way, and not the Tom Cruise turkey baster method (ooh, did I say that?). It may take awhile for me to conceive, but I plan on giving it the old college try. How about you?

Now, I know my age might be a deterrant to you, particularly since you seem to prefer brunettes with large breasts in their early thirties. But I'm quite ready to settle down and to give birth. While I'm gestating, I figure I can write 3 or 4 manuscripts therefor multi-tasking. I'm hoping that we have a boy.

So, what do you say George?

Thanks for reading!

EKM