Do You Want Some Ham To Go With That Cheese?

So I settled in last night to watch the American Idol showdown and for a moment I thought I had stumbled on the WWF. What the hell was that on my show last night? That whole ridiculous boxing metaphor? Seriously? I have to give Cookie and Archie props for going along with it, and it was nice not to see Seacrest's face for the first five minutes of the show, but it was just stupid. However, I did love the fact that Archie apparently weighs the same as a golden retriever. Did anyone else vomit in their mouth a little during that whole introductory package? Both guys came out in boxing robes and gloves with cute nick-names like David 'Sugarfoot' Cook and David 'Babycakes' Archuleta. I think they even bumped gloves. The boxing metaphor went on and on, there were video segments with sportscaster Jim Lampley giving tips.

Did anyone get the feeling, besides me, that Andrew Lloyd Webber doesn't have much love for the Arch? Or that the judges did everything they could to hand the crown to David Archuleta after the first song, especially Simon. Wasn't this the man who a week ago was saying that he wanted David Cook to win? Because you wouldn't have known it by his performance last night. I read that the producers want Cook to win but I guess they didn't give the judges that memo. And geez, Randy, get some new material. During his critique of Archuleta, I swear it sounded like he was just reading off a list of things he'd previously said about Archie, everything from 'you're in the zone,' and 'you could sing the phone book.'

Clive, Clive, Clive. This is like the fourth time that Clive Davis has chose 'Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me' for a contestant in this show. Did Elton John and Bernie Taupin gift him a percentage of the royalties? Don't get me wrong, I love this song, particularly the duet that George Michael did with Elton, but the song is tired. Of course, Archie did a good job, but it was boring and were the other two songs that he sang. Three ballads in a row people. I was nodding off towards the end.

Love him or hate him but David Cook at least keeps things interesting. I actually kind of liked the song he chose from the songwriting competition. It had a good beat and you could dance to it which kind of obscured the fact that the lyrics sucked. I could actually hear that song on the radio as compared to the slice of treacle pudding that David Archuleta sang. Seriously Simon thought that was the better song?

When it comes down to it, no matter who wins, I'm buying David Cook's album and I bet I'm not the only one. See, the thing is, while tweens may love David Archuleta, they grow up and move on to other artists, and then where will David Archuleta be? Playing in Branson at the Osmond family theater that's where. Plus, the producers are going to have deal with his scary father, who makes Dina Lohan look well adjusted. Archie is no Josh Groban, who at least has a good sense of humor and is kinda hot.

Oh, and the silly boxing metaphor was over on Dancing with the Stars as well. After booting Christian in five minutes, we then had to sit through mucho filler before the final dances and Kristi being crowned the winner.

Thank God!